I just can not for the life of me understand how a person doesn’t want affection when they’re feeling stressed or sad. I feel like I’m literally dying when people decide to “leave me alone” or “give me space”. Like what the fuck, come back here and love me…
Because I’m a person who needs 100 times more love, affection and attention when I’m sad I just don’t understand people who are the opposite. People who want to be left alone and deal with their issues by themselves. Who wants to just lock themselves in a dark room and think with nothing or no one to disturb them. I also happen to live with a person like this. I happen to have chosen to spend my life with a person who sometimes doesn’t want my affection and attention when he is sad and stressed.
As I’m writing this I can see that it’s silly to make any fuzz about this. I can understand that others would have a hard time understanding how this could be such a big deal. People are different. Deal with it. But there is a tiny insecure part of me that just takes over my whole body at times. When I am faced with struggles and differences in my relationships I have such a hard time being rational. I’m not really blaming myself for having issues with this though, because if I was sad I would want all the love and attention possible from my boyfriend. If I ever genuinely preferred he left me alone when I was feeling sad, if I honestly didn’t want to be around him at that moment, then it would mean I either didn’t love him or I was pretty damn pissed at him.
So when my boyfriend is feeling sad and stressed and doesn’t want my attention, affection, or even want to be next to me every second, of course my brain can’t understand it. How could my brain think anything else than that he has an issue with me? Now before we get all carried away here, of course, I know this is not the case. Because I have a rational part of my brain too and that part can explain to me that we are just different people with different personalities who handle things in different ways. That doesn’t mean we love each other any less and all I can do is accept that this is just the way it is and get on with my life. The issue is, the rational part of my brain is not as eager and annoying as the emotional part. Before the rational part has even had a chance to clear its throat and tell me all its wisdom, the emotional little sucker is already screaming its fucking lungs out, telling me every reason why someone could not possibly love me, all the reasons why someone would be upset with me and all the reasons I am doing something wrong.
The only thing I’m actually doing wrong though is listening to the emotional part of my brain, letting it get me carried away in this downward spiral of irrational thoughts.
I just have to practice accepting the fact that everyone does not think or act the same way I do and honestly, we should all be very thankful for that. A world full of Belindas would be rounding up World War 458 just about now.