Hair talk

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And by hair talk, I don’t mean those hyped, expensive extensions I could never afford but actual hair talk. As in, let’s talk about hair.

I have curly hair, I’ve always had curly hair but the curls have changed a lot over the years. When I was a kid I had a blonde, close to white, afro. Everyone loved it and wanted to touch it and I hated it (both the curls and the touching). I wanted straight long, shiny princess hair. Then it turned into textbook Goldilocks hair and where I was a teenager I started experimenting with dyes and hair straighteners and the result wasn’t always great. At one point I decided I wanted bangs, like straight, Jessica Day bangs. Like a classic Belinda, I romanticized the thought of bangs and thought little of the fact that my hair was curly and it wouldn’t actually look like I want it unless I straightened it. Nowadays my hair isn’t as curly as it was back then. It’s still really curly but less afro. Still just as messy though.

How do I take care of my hair? First of all, I don’t wash my hair too often, 2 times a week works best for me. Curly hair is naturally more dry than straight hair so for some people 3 washes per week might be necessary. However, I wouldn’t recommend you to wash your hair more often than that. You’ve probably heard it before but I will say it again. If you wash your hair too often, the scalp will become dry and when it’s dry the body will react by producing more sebum in your scalp to compensate for the loss of moisture and then your hair will feel oily faster so you will want to wash it even more and the vicious cycle is a fact.

I should also add that washing your hair too rarely isn’t ideal either. It’s all about keeping the scalp in balance. Healthy scalp equals healthy hair. If you wash your hair too rarely the scalp will become dirty and oily and skin cells will begin to build up and that’s no recipe for shiny locks. After all, it’s through the scalp that the strands grow so it makes a whole lot of sense to keep the scalp happy and balanced to help it produce healthy strong hair.

When I wash my hair I start with shampoo (duh). I always need to apply it 2 times and rinse in between to get my hair really clean. A rule of thumb: If it doesn’t lather on the first wash, it needs a second wash.

Then I apply a hair mask. I usually a hair mask every time I wash it and since that’s only 2 times a week I don’t see a reason not to. I also like to mix my hair mask with some oil, for example, pure argan oil. This makes my hair extra soft and I find it not weighing my hair down since it’s mixed with the hair mask. What a hair mask does is that it opens the hair strands so the product can get inside and really do its magic. After the hair mask, I always use conditioner. It’s super important to use a conditioner because it closes the strands again so the goodies get sealed in there and when the stands close the hair becomes soft and shiny. A lot of people think the hair mask replace the conditioner but that’s not how it works. Always conditioner. Always.

After washing it I put my hair up in a towel turban. I know some people say this is damaging for the hair but I honestly can’t see why it would be. As long as you don’t rub your hair with the towel I think it’s fine. I also have to brush my hair while it’s still wet. This I know is a big no, no but if you have curly hair there’s really no other option. Whenever someone asks me why I don’t brush my hair when it’s dry I just laugh and tell them that’s a funny joke. I brush it and put some argan oil in my hair, then I let it air dry. I never blow dry my hair because it just results in a messy afro. Once the hair is dry I either put some more argan oil in the ends or some aloe vera gel. Sometimes I let my natural curls do their thing and sometimes I style it with my hair straighteners.

I’ve put together a little collage of my hair-history… I’ll just grab a shame-pillow and let the pictures speak for themselves.

Which products do I use for my hair? I’ve been using Maria Nila’s Soft line for years now. I’ve tried other brands in between and also other Maria Nila lines but I always keep coming back to these. I use the shampoo, hair mask and conditioner. They also have a hair oil in the same line that I’ve tried and it’s really good and smells like absolute heaven. BUT It contains cyclic silicones which you really should avoid for yourself and the environment’s sake.You can read my post I wrote about  cyclic silicones. It’s something everyone should be familiar with.

Just like skin care, it’s impossible to recommend products because we all have different hair and different preferences but let me tell you what I love about these products.

  • They’re vegan, cruelty-free, sulfate-free and paraben-free.
  • They have a fresh scent without being too perfumy.
  • The really moisturizes and softens the hair, something that’s very important to me. I’m no hair expert but I am certainly a curly hair expert. After dealing with my crazy frizz ball of a hair my whole life I know what works and what doesn’t. If you have curly hair you NEED MOISTURE and that’s what you’ll get with these.
  • The containers look great in your bathroom. I guess this is the least important quality of your hair products but if you’re like me and frown your nose at your boyfriends ugly “Head n’ shoulders” pulling the esthetic standard of the bathroom down 4 levels just by existing on the bathroom shelf, you know what I mean.

Maria Nila Soft line. Buy them HERE. (or click on the picture below to get directly to the set with all 3 products).

The argan oil I use a the moment is from Loelle organic beauty. It doesn’t really matter which brand you use, I don’t think there’s a difference, to be honest. Just make sure it’s 100% pure argan oil and nothing added. I used to use Moroccan oil but those also contain cyclic silicones. In fact, most hair oils contain cyclic silicones. These silicones coat the hair and make it look really soft and shiny but it’s just a cosmetic effect and it washes out and when it does it harms both ourselves and the environment. So I really recommend looking for a natural alternative, like argan oil. You can also mix your own perfect hair oil by mixing some natural oils that are good for the hair. (I will do a post on that soon with some recommendations on which oils are good for what etc.)

100% Pure argan oil from Loelle organic beauty. Get it HERE.


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Med hair talk menar jag inte de hypeade, dyra hårförlängningarna som jag aldrig skulle ha råd med, utan faktiskt hårprat. Som i, låt oss prata om hår.

Jag har lockigt hår, jag har alltid haft lockigt hår, men lockarna har förändrats mycket under åren. När jag var barn hade jag en blont, nästan vitt, afro. Alla älskade det och ville känna på det och jag hatade det (både lockarna och att folk skulle röra det). Jag ville ha spikrakt, långt, glänsande prinsesshår. När jag blev lite äldre fick jag äkta Guldlock-hår och när jag var tonåring började jag experimentera med färg och plattång och resultatet var inte alltid bra. Vid ett tillfälle bestämde jag mig för att jag ville ha lugg, rak, Jessica Day-lugg. Som en classic Belinda romantiserade jag tanken på pannlugg och tänkte inte på att mitt hår var lockigt och det inte skulle se ut som om jag vill ha det om jag inte plattande den. Idag är mitt hår inte lika lockigt som det var då. Det är fortfarande riktigt lockigt men inte lika afro. Fortfarande lika rufsigt dock.

Hur tar jag hand om mitt hår? Först och främst tvättar jag inte mitt hår för ofta, 2 gånger i veckan fungerar bäst för mig. Lockigt hår är naturligt torrare än rakt hår, så för vissa personer kan 3 tvättar per vecka vara nödvändigt. Men jag skulle inte rekommendera att tvätta håret oftare än så. Du har nog hört detförut men jag kommer att säga det igen. Om du tvättar håret för ofta blir hårbotten torr och när den är torr kommer kroppen att reagera genom att producera mer talg i hårbotten för att kompensera för förlust av fukt och då kommer ditt hår att bli fettigt snabbare och du kommer att vilja tvätta det ännu mer och den onda cirkeln är ett faktum.

Jag ska också tillägga att tvätta ditt hår för sällan är inte heller bra. Det handlar om att hålla hårbotten i balans. Frisk hårbotten är lika med friskt hår. Om du tvättar håret för sällan blir hårbotten smutsig och fet och hudcellerna börjar byggas på hög och det är inget recept på glänsande lockar. Det är trots allt genom hårbotten som stråna växer, så det makes a whole lot of sense att hålla hårbotten glad och balanserad för att hjälpa den att producera ett hälsosamt starkt hår.

När jag tvättar mitt hår börjar jag med schampo (duh). Jag behöver alltid applicera det 2 gånger och skölja mellan för att få mitt hår riktigt rent. En tumregel är: Om det inte löddrar första tvätten behövs en andra tvätt.

Sedan applicerar jag en hårinpackning. Jag brukar ha i hårinpackning varje gång jag tvättar det och eftersom det bara är 2 gånger i veckan ser jag inte någon anledning att skippa det. Jag gillar också att blanda min inpackning med lite olja, till exempel ren arganolja. Detta gör mitt hår extra mjukt och jag tycker inte att oljan tynger ner mitt hår eftersom den är blandad med inpackningen. Vad en hårinpackning gör är att den öppnar hårstråets skikt så att produkten kan tränga in och verkligen göra sin magi. Efter hårinpackningen använder jag alltid balsam. Det är super viktigt att använda ett balsam eftersom det stänger hårskikten igen så det gottiga blir förseglat där. När hårskikten försluts blir håret mjukt och glänsande. Många tror att hårmasken ersätter balsam men så är det ikke. Alltid balsam. Alltid.

Efter jag tvättat håret sätter jag upp det i en handduksturban. Jag vet att vissa säger att detta sliter på håret, men jag kan inte se varför det skulle göra det. Så länge du inte gnuggar håret med handduken tycker jag att det är lugnt. Det finna även handdukar i någon slags microfiber som är designade just för håret, så de är mjukare och sydda för att man ska kunna göra en enkel turban. Jag måste också borsta mitt hår medan det fortfarande är futkigt. Jag vet det är ett big no, no men om du har lockigt hår finns det verkligen inget annat alternativ. När någon frågar mig varför jag inte borstar mitt hår när det är torrt skrattar jag bara och säger till dem det va ett roligt skämt. Jag borstar det och applicerar lite arganolja i längderna, sen låter jag det lufttorka. Jag fönar aldrig mitt hår för det resulterar bara i ett frizzigt afro. När håret är torrt lägger jag antingen mer arganolja i längderna eller Aloe Vera-gel. Ibland låter jag mina egna lockar vara som dem är och ibland stylar jag det med en plattång.

Vilka produkter använder jag för mitt hår? Jag har använt Maria Nilas Soft serie i flera år nu. Jag har provat andra märken däremellan och även andra serier från Maria Nila men jag kommer alltid tillbaka till dessa. Jag använder deras schampo, hårmask och balsam. De har också ett hårolja i samma serie som jag har provat och den är riktigt bra och luktar absolut heaven. MEN den innehåller cykliska silikoner som du verkligen bör undvika för både din egen och miljöns skull. Läs gärna mitt inlägg om cykliska silikoner. Det är något som alla borde känna till.

Precis som hudvård är det omöjligt att rekommendera produkter eftersom vi alla har olika hår och olika preferenser men låt mig berätta vad jag älskar med dessa produkter.

  • De är veganska, cruelty-free, sulfatfria och parabenfria.
  • De har en frisk doft utan att vara för parfymerade.
  • De ger verkligen fukt till håret, något som är mycket viktigt för mig. Jag är ingen hårexpert men jag är verkligen en “lockigt hårexpert”. Efter att ha handskats med min galna frizzboll till hår hela mitt liv, vet jag vad som fungerar och vad som inte gör det. Om du har lockigt hår behöver du fukt och det är vad dessa produkter ger.
  • Behållarna ser bra ut i badrummet. Jag antar att det här är den minst viktiga egenskapen hos dina hårprodukter, men om du är som jag och rynkar näsan åt din pojkväns “Head n’ shoulders” som drar ner hela badrummets estetiska standard 4 nivåer bara genom att existera på badrumshyllan , så vet du vad jag menar.

Den arganolja jag använder för tillfället är från Loelle organic beauty. Det spelar ingen roll om vilket märke du använder, jag tror inte att det är någon skillnad om jag ska vara ärlig. Se bara till att det är 100% ren arganolja och inga tillsatser. Jag brukade använda Moroccan oil förut men de innehåller även cykliska silikoner. Faktum är att de flesta håroljor innehåller cykliska silikoner. Dessa silikoner lägger sig som ett täcke över hårstråna och gör det ser väldigt mjukt och glänsande ut, men det är bara en kosmetisk effekt som tvättas ut och när det gör det skadar både oss själva och miljön. Så jag rekommenderar verkligen att leta efter ett naturligt alternativ, som arganolja. Du kan också blanda din egen perfekta hårolja genom att blanda några naturliga oljor som är bra för håret. (Jag ska göra ett inlägg om det snart med några rekommendationer om vilka oljor som är bra för vad etc.)

Maria Nilas Soft serie kan du köpa HÄR.

Loelle organic beauty 100% ren arganolja kan du köpa HÄR.

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POOPALBUMS & HANDSOME DOCTORS

Hello dear friends!

I’ve had such a strange week. My anxiety really gave me a hard time and on top of that, I had problems with my stomach (or maybe because of it). I was at the doctor to get it checked because there was no way of calming down my worry without getting answers. I have never been to the doctor because of stomach problems before but I knew chances were they would have to put a finger up my butt… As I was sitting there in the waiting room I was praying that my doctor would be either 1. A woman 2. Old or 3. Ugly. Preferably all of those.

As I’m sending my prayers to greater powers, one if the doors open and a quite young, good-ish looking doctor comes out. My brain went “please don’t be my doctor, please don’t be my doctor”. He calls someone else’s name and I let out a silent sigh. Then another door opens and an even younger, more handsome looking doctor opens and calls for “Belinda”. My brain went “I change my mind, please give me the other doctor”. The universe was too busy to hear so I didn’t have much choice but to go to the young doctor.

Of all doctors I’ve ever had, they’ve all been either women or older, mediocre looking men. But the one time that I’m doing a really embarrassing check, it’s this guy. He was a very professional and good doctor I must add it was just a really awkward situation.

The check went just like I imagined a “stomach problem check” would. I also had a really embarrassing poop documentation album on my phone I had to show him… Not my greatest moment.

Apart from my embarrassment I got a package yesterday with some makeup I ordered from 100% pure, so I will be doing a review on that soon. I even thought I might do it in a youtube video… I’m so nervous about starting my youtube channel but it’s something I really wanna do so I have to get over that fear. As Astrid Lindgren once wrote: ”Det finns saker man måste göra, även om det är farligt.  Annars är man ingen människa utan bara en liten lort” (There are things you have to do, even if it’s scary. Otherwise you’re not a human but just a little poop). A fitting quote for this post I must say.

Lots of love!

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Holistic beauty

Hello dear friends!

I’ve decided to change the course of my blogging a little bit. I will keep writing about anything I feel like; Trips, recipes, fashion etc… BUT I will focus a little more on an interest of mine that haven’t gotten the space it deserves on my blog. I’m talking about natural cosmetic and skincare. I am absolutely nerding my ass of in this subject every day and it’s something I’m very passionate about. I’m even making my own natural products and that’s something I could show you on both the blog and my youtube channel (I’m getting started on that soon I promise).

As some of you know I’ve struggled (and still are) with anxiety for many years. I’ve written about it here on the blog and it’s something I will keep writing about because it’s just so darn important. My anxiety is actually what got me started on this path of natural beauty. When you are at the absolute bottom and feel like there’s no way to get up you become desperate. Some people might start drinking or taking meds but for me I just had this compulsive urge to “find the cure”. I started reading holistic blogs and watch youtube videos of natural remedies that could “cure” anxiety. I know now that it’s not really that easy and it takes a lot more than some natural herb from the Himalayas to free yourself from the pain (read: therapy, therapy and some more therapy)…

When I was scanning the internet for natural remedies I also became aware of the impact the products we put on our skin can have on our health. Some of you may have heard of Rose Marie Swift, famous makeup artist who got sick and discovered she had high levels of heavy metals in her body. This was caused by all those toxic chemicals she had been putting on her skin all those years. She then founded a natural, toxic free makeup line called RMS beauty.

This is just one among all storys and my point is: When dealing with anxiety the last thing I want is to hurt my body in any way. I’ve also had a really pain-in-the-ass-skin for many years. It’s either dry or breaking out or reacting to something with an angry rash. This got me even more aware of what products I put on it and so my interest for natural cosmetic and skincare was born. It’s become sort of my baby blanket. If I feel bad, it always helps a little to browse the internet for some cool natural brands and just motorboat my face in it all.

I’ve learned a lot about different natural products and methods over the years and it’s something I would love to share with you guys. As with all subjects these days there are debates about whats good and whats not and bla, bla, bla… I would love to share my experiences and talk about what works and what doesn’t and review different products and brands.

I hope you are as excited as I am! Lots of love <3

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Roadtrippin’

Hello dear friends!

Sorry for the slow update. I feel so guilty for not writing in such a long time but I’ve just felt so uninspired and I’ve had a lot of stuff on my mind.

Last weekend I went to Sweden with Bogdan. We stayed in my moms apartment in Helsingborg and on Saturday we took the car and went on a roadtrip along the coast. We went to Höganäs to shop at Lager 157, a sort of outlet store with really cheap yet nice clothes. We stopped along the way in Domsten and Viken. The sights were beautiful and I couldn’t help thinking about how badly I wanna live by the sea. It’s been a dream of mine for as long as I can remember. The sea makes me so calm and happy and I just need to live right by the sea someday. Yes, I NEED it.

Oh and another thing… I’ve been thinking about starting a youtube chanel for some time now but I just haven’t been able to get my thumb out of my ass and do it. Also, I’m not 100% sure of what to do or talk about… It’s something I really wanna do but I think I would feel insanely awkward. But “who remembers a coward” like Ernst Kirchsteiger says.

Here are some pictures from our roadtrip!

I’m posting these pictures with the risk of my mom seeing that I borrowed her shirt after swearing I wouldn’t touch her clothes… Meh, It’s worth it… I think.

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Copenhagen favorites guide

Hello dear friends!

On Saturday my family came to visit me in Copenhagen.  We had such a lovely day and the weather was perfect. I showed them around the city and took them to some of my favorite places here in Copenhagen. I thought I’d make you a little guide and talk about these places so you know what you have to do when in Copenhagen.

Eating

PapirØen (The Paper Island- Copenhagen street-food market)– Close to Nyhavn you´ll find this culinary heaven. It’s a large shed filled with local food stands that serve they’re own specialties. Here you’ll find everything from falafel, to burgers to, indian food, to danish smørrebrød. My favorites are the Indian butter chicken and the pulled duck.  If you come here on a sunny weekend at lunchtime, be prepared to sharpen your elbows. It is so insanely crowded. Good thing is you can bring your food and go sit wherever you want. I alway sit at the end of the dock, in front of the opera house and enjoy the view. If you’re able to go here mid-week, I would suggest it because it’s way less crowded so you will get a chance too look around without wanting to punch people.

Trangravsvej 14, Warehouse 7/8, 1436 Copenhagen K

Quesadillas from the Tacos Chucho-stall
Not sure from which stall this deliciousness comes from but if I remember correctly it’s a fired cinnamon-bun with ice-cream and chocolate and caramel sauce… I mean…
My all-time favorite: Butterchicken at the India-stall
Yummy falafel from FALA FALA
Pulled duck from Duck it

 

Makes you this happy…

Nicecream– I am absolutely addicted to this place. It’s a vegan ice-creamplace (for those of you who frown your nose at the word vegan, fear not this stuff is honestly tastier than normal ice-cream) It’s made from coconut milk instead of dairy and their cookie ice-cream sandwiches are to die for. They also have healthy ice-cream bowls made from frozen bananas that taste too good to be healthy but they are(!)

There are 2 Nicecream-places in Copenhagen. Make sure to check their opening hours before to avoid major disappointment…

Enghave Pl. 10, 1670 København V

or

Elmegade 30, 2200 København N

I’ll just let these pictures speak for themselves…

Torvehallerne– This is a market with food, flowers etc. There are cafe’s and restaurants inside where you can find yummy stuff to eat or you can just stroll around and look at weirdly sized fruit like I did…

Frederiksborggade 21, 1360 København K

Giant lemons and midget pineapples at Torvehallerna (did I mention I was very into self tanning at this point…)

Shopping

The Organic club– This is a vintage concept-store that I absolutely love. They have a fine selection of second-hand clothes, different price range but nothing too expensive. They also have some accessories, interior and organic cosmetic products. They have a membership which is optional that allows you to get points for the clothes you leave there. Then you can chose to pay with your points but anyone can shop here and pay as usual.

Istedgade 124, 1650 København V

 

Pictures borrowed form The Organic Club

Notre Dame– A supercute interior-store. They have a lot of stuff and I can walk around in here for hours. I’d advice you not to bring your boyfriend here, he’ll just follow you around like a lost puppy looking really scared and uncomfortable…

Nørregade 7, 1165 København K

Picture borrowed from notredame.dk

Søstrarne Grene– When I was a kid my grandma would always buy stuff for me when she visited this store. They have everything. Interior, craft supplies, accessories, food etc. It’s like Flying Tiger but “nicer”. The prices vary but most of the stuff is really cheap. It’s also a nice atmosphere in here with classical music playing in the background.

There are a few stores in the city but the ones listed below are the most central ones.

Amagertorv 24, 1160 København K

or

Kultorvet 2, st. th. 1175 København


Sightseeing

Nyhavn– Despite of how touristy this place is, it’s actually really beautiful. If you go here on the weekend you might just wanna take some pictures of the colorful houses and then get the heck out of there asap because it’s just too crowded. However, if you come here in the middle of the week when it’s less crowded, I suggest you stop for a brunch at one of the cozy restaurants along the canal. It’s quite pricey because of the location but most places have ok brunch or lunch deals.


Boat-tours– Touristy? Yes. But not to underestimate. This is such a nice activity on a sunny day. I’d recommend you do this mid-week because there are too many people on weekends. There are also smaller boats you can rent with a group of people if you wanna drive around yourself instead of going on a guided tour. Some of them have tables so you can eat on the boat. You find the boat-renting stalls and tour-boat stations along the canal in Nyhavn.


The round tower– Close to Nørreport metro station, on the way towards Strøget you’ll find this tower. You can walk all the way up to the top where you’ll find a beautiful view over the city. It takes a while to climb but you can stop along the way and read about history regarding the tower. There’s even a shop where you can buy souvenirs. Good thing is that it doesn’t have any stairs. It’s just like an upward spiral to the top which I loved because I hate climbing stairs. So even if it’s quite far it doesn’t feel as hard. (I’m not lazy I promise…)

Købmagergade 52A, 1150 København K

 

Pictures borrowed from visitcopenhagen.com

I hope you enjoyed this guide. Please leave a comment and let me know what your favorite Copenhagen-places are.

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The story of a spoiled girl who forgot how to climb

Hello dear friends!

I woke up this morning with a positive attitude. I’ve been really confused about my life and my career and I still am, but I felt motivated to sort shit out this week. I called my dad to get some advice. Let’s just say I didn’t catch him in a great mood and our conversation just left me in tears feeling like a complete failure. I know he is trying to help me in his own tough-love-kind-of-way and I know I’m no picknick as a daughter but he also have no idea how hard I’m trying and what a progress I’ve made. I’d like to get some cred for that instead of having someone point out all the misstakes I’ve made. I´ts not like Im not aware of them but if I was gonna spend every second regretting the misstakes I’ve made, I wouldn’t do anything else.

I’m gonna be honest with you, I’m spoiled. I’ve been spoiled my whole life. Financially spoiled that is. My parents have been separated since I was 3 and since then I’ve always just lived with my mom and I mostly just met my dad at special occasions because he has always worked a lot. However he has always supported me financially. Cliché much?

My dad would show up twice a year on my birthday and Christmas and bring me the coolest gifts or take me to Toys R’us and let me pick whatever I wanted. Preferably something really huge like a bouncy house just to mess with my mom. It takes no Einstein to tell this messes with a Childs brain.  I have met my dad more often later in my life but our relationship have never been the same as me and my moms.

I know I’m spoiled. I’ve never been ungrateful though. I was never the kid who would cry and scream on the floor because I didn’t get what I wanted (maybe because my dad always bought me what I wanted… just kidding).

But I have always had that security in the back of my mind that my dad will always save me if I’m broke. When I was in school I never felt guilty about my dad helping me with money. I was so hard working and committed and I felt like I would be able to pay back one day because my education and ambition would make me rich and successful. This obviously just added to the pressure and I went pretty much straight into the wall at one point. I had to quit school in Paris (you’ve heard the story) and move back home with no education and no job. I lost my ambition for a while and since then I’ve had to really struggle for the first time in my life. It sounds pathetic to say struggle because obviously there are people who have it way worse and my problems are tiny in comparison. I’ve still had my dad to help me whenever I needed but this time it’s not without guilt. I am so confused and I don’t really know what to do with my life career wise. I have a lot of ideas but they all require a budget which I don’t have. So I’ve been struggling with where to begin and how to reach my goal.

I know that I will be successful, I’ve always known it. My problem is I’m not sure how to get there and I am so stressed about getting there asap. I know I’m still very young but the thought of spending 3 years of my life in school is just freaking me out. I want things to happen right now. I’m ready to work harder than anyone but does it have to take suuuuuuuuuuuch a long time before reaching success? If someone told me: In 6 months you’re gonna be successful if you work hard on this. I could do just about anything, but not knowing how or when or what is such an agony. I am so scared of wasting my time. I want to spend it on the stuff that counts.

The frustrating part is I know I would be the best boss in the universe. If someone gave me a company to run right now or unlimited money to start my own I would be so freaking good at it. I know that’s not how it works and that you have to start from the bottom and work your way to the top. I just know I am so much better at the job up there on the top than all the stuff down here at the bottom. I’m down here looking for an elevator to get straight to the top without having to climb the ladder. The ladder is so crowded and people are elbowing each other to get to the top, it scares me to even get in there. I was on that ladder you know. I hadn’t come super far but I was on my way. Somehow I lost my grip and fell down all the way to the bottom and after that It was like I forgot how to climb. I know there is no elevator and no one is ever gonna build one. So if I wanna get to the top I will have to take the ladder.

I realise when writing this what an insane and naive person I sound like but this is an honest blog and this is where I’m at right now. I’m gonna sharpen my elbows and get  back on that ladder. Wish me luck.

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Foodie weekend

Hello dear friends!
I’ve had such a lovely weekend with my friends. On Saturday I met up with Klara to try out a vegan ice cream place called Nicecream, in Vesterbro here in Copenhagen. We ended up doing some vintageshopping as well and had lunch at a place called Zakabona. It was such a lovely day and the food was really tasty. The ice cream tho was to freakin’ die for! I had an ice-cream cookie that was so tasty, I’ve been craving it ever since we left the place.
On Sunday I went to do some sightseeing around the city with my boyfriend and some of his friends that were visiting from Romania. While I was still getting my beauty sleep they went to see the little mermaid (emphasis on little). Then I met up with them and we went to Nyhavn and paper island to have some lunch at the street food market. We had butter chicken that was so delicious. (If you’re reading this Emma, I had coriander and I actually loved it, can’t believe I’ve caved and started to enjoy that soap tasting garbage).
After paper island we went to Christiania, no man in their 20’s comes to Copenhagen without having that on the list. We walked trough it, soaking up some sun and passive weed smoke. Then we went to Bogdans brother to chill and play games. A really lovely weekend, I’d say.


 

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Transparent

When I started this blog I was determimated to make it an honest, unfiltered space where I could write honestly about whatever I wanted. That was easier said than done. I did’nt realize how hard it is to put yourself out there. My main idea with the blog was to mix impronant subects that are close to my heart, with inspiering posts about fashion, interior etc. I realize it’s been mostly the later.
I had a huge argument with my boyfriend today and when he questioned why I had’nt posted on my blog in forever and said he worked harder on coding it than I do writing it, I got furious. Who was he to tell me what to do? I said “my life sucks and no one want’s to read about it” (did I mentioned I’m having a bad day?). After I calmed down I realized he was right, it just hurts to hear the truth sometimes. I was so eager to get my blog “ready” so I could start and he spent hours and hours making it look the way I wanted. Then it was time to start bloging and suddenly it was all in my hands. I love bloging when I’m having a good day. Then I feel inspired and motivated to share all that happiness with my readers. But on days when I’m not feeling so well, I just don’t post. This is my misstake. I’ve been doing the oposite of what I intended to with this blog. I want to write about even my worst days. Maybe If I had found a blog like that when I was 14 and anxsious I would’nt have felt so lonely.
I wanna tell you a little story about myself. I was always the ambitious, determinated girl who knew exactly what she wanted to do. In 7th grade I decided I wanted to be a fashion designer and from there that was my only goal. I got into a textile and design-oriented gymnasium. I was working my ass off to be best in my class, I was the teachers favorite and I honestly think everyone expected me to go far in life, I certainly expected myself to go far in life. I remember how my classmates would freak out because they were’nt sure of what to do after we graduated. I would feel sorry for them and thinking I was so lucky for knowing what I wanted. After school I got accepted to the fashion design programe at Istituto Marangoni in Paris. A prestegious school within the fashion industry. I was proud of myself and I kept on working my ass off the first semester.
Ever since I was 13 or 14 years old I’ve been struggeling with anxiety and panic attacks. It’s been up and down ever since and I’ve been to therapy a few times.
So when I was in Paris, my angsiety hit me again. I had been fine for probably 2 years before this, with barely any panic attacks at all. But I think the stress got to me. I started getting panic attacks in class, wich resulted in me skipping classes because I was afraid. Eventually I dropped out because I did’nt know how to handle it. Looking back I think I should have told my friends, but I was too ashamed. They seemed to be doing fine, why would they understand a weirdo like me?
I would call my mom and my grandmother at night because I was freaking out. I wanted to stay in Paris because going home felt like the biggest failure ever. I blamed all my anxiety on my school, because it had been so stressful. That might have been the trigger but it was so much more than that. I enrolled in a french language course. I think I went there 4 times but I had panic attacks every damn time and I ended up just isolating myself in my apartement. At one point it became almost unbarable beeing around people, even going 20 meters down the street to the supermarket was too much for me.
In the end of June, I got rid of my beautiful apartement and moved back home to Sweden. It was such a relief. I felt better that summer and my anxiety calmed down, although I can’t say it really went away completely since then. Even if I was feeling better I was struggeling with the fact that I had quit school and left Paris. I felt like such a failure. What were people thinking about me? But most importantly what was I gonna do now?
After this a lot of stuff have happened, I could write about it all but I don’t think anyone would have the patience to read. To sum it up: I got a job at my dads company, I moved out of my moms house and bought an apartement in Malmö. I met my boyfriend in Copenhagen and started going there to see him every other weekend. I still had anxiety on and off this whole time. I quit my job and got a new one in a bridal store. I sold my apartement, I moved in with my boyfriend in Copenhagen, I got fired from my job at the bridal store and from there I have struggled a lot.
Despite all this beeing really hard at times, I would’nt want to change it if I could. These struggles made me who I am. I am working every day on beeing brave and not letting my angsiety stop me. I have a family who always supports me, the sweetest friends and the most amazing boyfriend in the world. I know I have a lot to be thankful for. My problem is I tend to focus on the negative and I just see all the things I don’t have instead of the things I do have.
I feel like l’ve been on this mission towards happiness, to find my way out of anxiety. The problem is I gave it too much attention, to much focus. Instead of just living my life I’ve been in a constant battle with my mind. My new mission is to stop treating life as a mission. Just live and let anxsiety come and go and not give it more focus. What deserves my focus are my friends, family and above all my boyfriend who have had to put up with so much and still keeps believing in me and pushing me and suporting me.
I’m not sure what my purpose with this transparent post was. I guess I just needed to break the ice. There might be someone reading this who have had similar struggles and if my post can help even one person feel less lonely, I think it’s worth putting myself out there.
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Interior dreams

Hello guys!
Spring is getting closer and it’s making me long for some change. I am happy to announce that me and Bogdan have decided to move out of our little room and into an actual apartment asap. I will start working for my dads company in Sweden soon. I used to work there before but quit last summer when I got a job in a bridal store in Malmö. I don’t regret it because I’ve learned a lot and got some experience since then but I’m also happy to be back there. I’ll be working part time and that gives me time to work on my own stuff as well. I really want to start my own company. I will give you more details about it later, but at this point I’m still in the brainstorming process and the idea have changed many times over the last months. All I know is that it will involve fashion and it will be EPIC. So stay tuned for that.
My home has always been very important to me. For some it might sound shallow but it’s actually the opposite. My home is my sanctuary, my safe space where I can relax and recharge my batteries. I love interior and making my home look pretty and homy. It’s like therapy for me. When I don’t feel satisfied with my home-situation I become out of balance and as the libra that I am, I don’t deal well with my everyday life when I’m out of balance.
These past months I’ve been living with Bogdan in a very small room. We literally do the dishes in the bathroom sink because we have no kitchen. Its been cozy and romantic and all but let’s face it, there is only that much “we are so in love, we only need each other, we could sleep in a tent and be happy” a person can take. Especially for the anxious, slightly spoiled princess that I am. Don’t get me wrong, I’d choose our love over a comfy home any day of the week but if I can have both don’t freakin’ mind if I do.
Between searching for apartments and contacting landlords I’ve drifted away onto interior websites and of course my dear old friend Pinterest. Even though I don’t know how our new home will look like I still find it ridiculously satisfying to plan the interior into the tiniest detali.
For all you interior freaks who read this without rolling your eyes, this collage is for you. Enjoy!
    
               
         
Source: Pinterest

 

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one step closer

Hello  friends!
I’ve had a really crazy weekend and I wasn’t feeling well at all. I made a post on Thursday that I was suppose to post but never did because life decided to give me a big fat slap in the face and generally just giving me a really hard time.
Im not gonna get into detail about my weekend but I’m gonna give you the post I was suposed to post on Thursday, so here it is:
This morning I had an interview for an internship here in Copenhagen. Guess what?   I got it! I’ll be interning as a graphic designer for 2 months at what appears to be a pretty cool company. It’s right in the center of the city, in a gorgeous office that looks kind of like the apartment I imagine myself having when I’m rich and famous.
I felt immediately inspired as I walked in there and I’m so excited about this! It’s just an internship for now but it’s a great opportunity for me to develop my skills and build a portfolio that’s gonna help me in the future.
I feel one step closer towards my dream. I honestly have to say this is the first job I’ve ever had that is actually something I want to do haha…

 

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